Aloha, In this episode of the Fashionable Finance Podcast,
I talk about some of the reasons why women love to give.

The reason I chose this topic of ‘Women Love To Give’ is
because there is such a big gap between why women give
and what they get out of it.

It’s pretty evident that giving is our nature, it’s just part of
who we are and we are designed that way for a reason by
God, but if giving becomes something other than service
that we do out of love then it becomes a problem that can
go on for many years without us even realizing that it’s
happening. You know how it is, we get into a daily and
weekly routine of how we live our lives that it just becomes
part of what we do. Nothing seems different or difficult.

The problem can show up in so many different ways that
it may become hard to recognize if it’s been going on in
our lives for a really long time.

Let me ask you this question:

~Are you giving from a place of love or are you giving from a
place of wanting or needing to be accepted or appreciated
or from a place of feeling obligated?

We as women have such deep feelings about ourselves
that it can just rock our world and I’m sure you know what
I mean. Everything that goes on in our lives also goes in
to our whole being; mentally, emotionally, physically,
spiritually. And it is hard to let go of anything that is not
working for us in those areas. We like to hold on to things
whether or not it’s working for us.

Here are some questions that you can ask yourself if
you’re not really sure where you are coming from:

~When you give, are you coming from a place of wanting
or needing to be accepted?

It’s a given that everyone wants to be accepted in some way,
or another, that’s part of human nature. But do you have a
need to be accepted because that need is not being fulfilled
in the most basic way by your family. If you didn’t feel accepted
in your family from when you were a child, then it’s pretty hard
to feel like anyone is going to accept you now just as you are.

What usually happens in order for you to fulfill that need you
have is,to give a gift, to give money or to give of your time and more.
If this is you, then you have to start asking yourself question about
yourself, like why am I wanting or needing to be accepted. It’s a
really good idea to write all of these questions and answers on a
piece of paper.

There’s a lot of books written on the subject of writing things down,
like journaling or keeping a log of your day. What ever you want to
call it will work. Get out a piece of paper or notebook and start
writing, it’s not the same as typing something into a word doc on
the computer. The magic usually happens when you physically
write using a pen or pencil.

Moving on to:
When you give, are you coming from a place of wanting or needing
to be appreciated?

This is something very interesting that I’ve learned over the last
20 plus years of working with women is that, In most families
that I know, appreciation between family members is usually
scarce and hard to find. Every week I get to talk to women and
I am still really surprised by what they tell me about their family
that appreciation is rarely expressed.

Years ago I used to think that my family was the only one that
didn’t appreciate each other. And now I know that a lot of
families have the same problem.

There is no perfect family out there, that’s for sure.

So let me ask you…do you ever find yourself giving from
a place of wanting or needing to be appreciated? Think
about this question for a while and see what you come up
with. It’s definitely natural to want to be appreciated. I know
that I want to be appreciated by my family.

Does that really happen?…maybe not or not very often.

Because every family is different and the people in your
family respond to different things, there is no one sure way
to get them to start appreciating you.

If you are giving because you want to be appreciated, then
the first thing that you can do is to sit down as a family and
have a conversation about appreciation and go from there.

Communication is the best medicine. It’s funny to think
about it, some people will take the medicine well and some
won’t take it at all. I’m talking from experience.

Just keep the communication going.

My next question for you is:
Are you coming from a place of feeling obligated?

The word obligation should be eliminated from our hearts
and minds when it comes to giving of ourselves, that’s
my thoughts about that!

Obligation seems to be a big problem that stands in our
way of progress and growth in our lives. Usually because
were doing things that don’t make us happy and feel fulfilled.
Now I’m talking about the kind of obligation that isn’t that
important and usually won’t have any significant meaning
in our lives, I’m not talking about the kind of obligation that
we need to keep because of an important agreement that
we made that will have a great impact on our lives or
ourselves.

I’m coming from experience when I talk about these things
here.

I will say to write these things down and ask yourself these
really important question that I guarantee will make a big
difference in your life. It will help you mentally, emotionally,
physically and spiritually.

You know, sometimes I think obligation comes from deep
within and sometimes it comes from watching other family
member do the same things they do things out of obligation,
even when were growing up we see our family members
especially our moms doing a lot of things that they feel
obligated for, so it’s really important to look back.

RECAP: My tip for you is to ask yourself some important
questions:

#1) Am I giving because I have a need to be accepted?

#2) Am I giving because I want or need to be appreciated?

#3) Am I giving because I feel obligated to someone or
something?

I know you can do it, there is no question about women
power, I am all for woman power.

We have such greatness in us that we can do great things.
You just have to be honest with yourself and have a desire
to improve your life by asking yourself these really important
questions.

Subscribe to this podcast in iTunes or Stitcher Radio so
that you’ll be able to receive all the episodes that I have
created for you.

So until next time, Aloha and have a great day.

Mahalo for listening!

Aloha, Janin Johnston

 

Music by: Dennis Pavao
Song: Ipo Lei Manu
Album: Wale No
Produced by: Pilialoha Productions
If you would like to order a copy of this CD you
can send an email request to Pilialoha Productions
at: makai@maui.net